The safest sex

This article was copied from here.

Growing up, my mother was terrified about the day I would learn about sex. She coached me to pretend to be sick and go to the nurse’s office in grade school just so I would miss Magic Johnson’s sex education video. When I was as young as eight, she’d tuck me into bed with the warning, “be good!”

My mom was afraid that I’d started masturbating long before I even knew what she was talking about. As far as she was concerned, I didn’t need to know anything about sex. In high school, she refused to let me get nutritional counseling because she was so sure it was just some ruse to get birth control against her wishes.

                                                                            

I got older and mom warned me that only evil people “played with themselves”. Masturbation was a form of sexual deviance, and then the church echoed that idea.

In the 1990s and early 2000s, purity culture was a very big deal. The ministry internship (ahem, cult) I entered after high school also taught that masturbation was a sin, because lust was a sin.

During my internship year, Ron Luce (cult leader) gave an infamous sex talk where he outlined what was and wasn’t okay when it came to sex within a “godly” marriage. Masturbation was off the menu and he relayed a story about how “a very famous preacher” once told Ron he was grateful for masturbation whenever he was on the road and separated from his wife.

Ron bragged about setting the preacher straight. There was no room for discussion. Masturbation was sinful. Lust was sinful. The marriage bed was beautiful as long as the husband and wife faced each other during intercourse, the wife never said no, and the couple refused to engage in oral sex or masturbation.

But masturbation doesn’t just get a bad wrap in certain Christian circles. It is not uncommon to hear secular folks jabs at people by mocking masturbation. Chronic masturbator is just one insult. Culturally, we make jokes that people who masturbate have too much time on their hands. Or can’t find a partner.

Sex with benefits

Those who advocates for abstinence do so in part because they believe the safest sex is the zero sex. But masturbation is legitimately the safest sex around. I have to laugh even because people use the bible to push early marriages, saying it’s better to get married than to burn with lust.

Sigh. Seriously? It’s either abstinence or marriage? Let’s not pretend that idea isn’t terrible because guess what – that’s a horrible message.

Most sex education gives no credence to the benefits of masturbation, and that’s too bad. Sexual beings shouldn’t be shamed for being sexual beings. People don’t need to feel guilty about behaving naturally – nor do they need to be kept in the dark about the benefits of solo sex.

Unlike sex with a partner, masturbation won’t put a person at risk for an STI or pregnancy. Yet, masturbation is still sex. When your body experiences an orgasm, you reap the benefits of stress reduction, lowered blood pressure, greater immunity, and even pain relief.

Masturbation is also a natural and positive way to get to know your own body, and discover what you need to reach orgasm. You get to indulge in your own fantasies, if that’s your thing. You get to experiment and even be selfish. Allowing yourself to masturbate is a positive thing akin to exercise or giving yourself a break as needed.

People aren’t any more prone to abusing masturbation or becoming addicted than any other habit. It’s only a problem for you if it interferes with the rest of your life – like practically anything else.

Women, in particular, can benefit from masturbation because it teaches them to take their pleasure into their own hands. Literally. That’s a plus since so many women would ordinarily hesitate to become more than a bystander in their own sexual encounters with a partner.

But men can benefit from masturbation – especially when it comes to learning how to possess greater control over their orgasms. They also enjoy a reduced risk of prostate cancer with more orgasms. So, masturbate away, guys.

To be fair, masturbation isn’t only for single people. Couples can enjoy masturbation together or apart to help keep things interesting. (I am wincing as I type this out – but how else can I say it?)

Masturbation is a basic sexual activity that some couples refuse to even talk about, like watching porn or feeling attraction for other people. Except that masturbation is much more harmless than other hot-button couples’ issues.

The drawback of solo sex

Typically, humans crave some amount of intimacy and connection with other humans. Sex isn’t always (just) about feeling good. It’s also about making someone else feel good. Often, it’s about some sort of relationship.

That’s really the only place where masturbation might not fit the bill. If you’re needing the connection of a partner. Even so, solo sex deserves much more respect than we currently give it.

There are times when we have sexual needs, but getting it on with someone else may not make sense. The act can help take the edge off when needed and keep us more in tune with our bodies.

Masturbation is a healthy way to scratch a much-needed itch without the complications of having another party involved if that’s not what you need.

And I don’t know you, but I am not interested in repeating the sex education lessons of my youth which said young people were to not only abstain from partnered sex and birth control, but even masturbation.

Contrary to what you might have heard, masturbation isn’t gross or limited to losers. You’re not deviant if you do it and you’re certainly not a sinner. It doesn’t cause blindness.

If you happen to masturbate, congratulations – you’re human.

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Who’s afraid of Virginity Wo(o)lf?

Your first time doesn’t have to be a love story.

Maybe I threw my virginity away. Or maybe I didn’t. My first time didn’t happen the way I planned. No bed full of rose petals for this girl. Just a bag of weed. And a shack in the woods.

Some of us think our first time has to be special. Magical. A teen romance novel. It if wasn’t, then maybe we made a mistake. But why? Lots of times, sex is simply awkward. Frightening. Or funny.

There’s a good chance you’ve already had sex if you’re reading this. But maybe you didn’t enjoy it as much as you felt like you should’ve. Like somehow you missed out. Screwed it up. Banged the wrong person.

Nonsense. You don’t have to get sex perfect. Or even right. We screw up lots of things the first try.

Maybe you remember learning how to ride a bike. Sex goes a lot like that. Except you’re learning how to ride a person.

Your first time might not even mean the same thing to your partner as it does to you. Because surprise. Your partner might not be a virgin. For them, your first time might be their tenth.

My first time happened like this

In college I worked at a bohemian bar where hipsters sold drugs in the bathroom. Everybody knew your name, for the wrong reasons. That’s where I met him.

Let’s call him Neil. Something of a regular. College dropout. But smart. He made a living off odd jobs and selling weed.

A real catch, I tell ya. On paper he sounds awful. In person, he could charm the horn off a unicorn. He read a lot, and actually liked my poetry. We had fascinating conversations.

One night, he followed me back into the kitchen and put a hand on my cheek. Told me I was beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Points.

So we went on a date. The date ended in a shack he’d built in the woods. Not sketchy at all. You’re wondering what the hell I was thinking. Just how good looking he was. And smart. That’s what.

Fresh from high school, I’d never met anyone as real as Neil. His parents had kicked him out at the age of 17. So he’d started working in coffee shops and crashing with friends.

Everything Neil had, he’d fought for.

He wasn’t creepy. No, surprisingly well groomed. Articulate. Funny. We had a lot in common with the whole fucked up family situation.

So it didn’t bother me when he talked about getting me naked.

Yeah, first time having sex, and on a first date. He had one year on me, but he acted like someone in his mid 20s. Confident. Grounded. Me on the hand, I felt awkward and self-conscious the entire time.

You’re never “ready” for sex

The idea of making a mistake terrified me. Touching something I shouldn’t. Making a weird noise. Oh, and pregnancy. Or STDs. Sorta dodged a bullet on that one.

Until that night, I’d barely thought about sex. It always felt like something I’d have to take a class for. Get a license. Apply for a permit. But that’s not true at all. Almost anyone can have sex.

That’s how I’d lived so far. Everything I did involved school. Instruction manuals. Classes. Lectures. Notes. If you didn’t study, you’d fail.

But you can’t study for sex. You have to do it. No amount of reading prepares you. Sure, guides exicst. They require participation.

Wish I’d picked that up sooner. That night, I probably spent more time in timid doubt than passion. He enjoyed himself. Closed his eyes. Gripped my hips. Moaned. Honestly, it freaked me the fuck out.

Not the sex. The intimacy. Hadn’t prepared for that. My entire life, I’d barely hugged another human being. Now I was naked with one in a shack under a half moon. On top of that, I worried he’d notice my silence.

I am a quiet lover. Literally. I don’t make a lot of noise during sex. For me, it’s not necessary. That tends to disturb my partners. But if I try, it feels fake. Performed. Insincere. I’ve been dumped more than once because it doesn’t look or sound like I enjoy sex.

But everybody does sex their own way. Some people like to grab a handful of hair and whip around like bad weather. Not me.

Over time, I’ve come to accept my subdued bedroom behavior. But my first time kind of sucked. Metaphorically.

Maybe the first time feels weird for everyone.

Your first time might suck

Sex is such a big deal to young people. Our parents fill our heads with all kinds of expectations. Novels and movies and Netflix give us so many false expectations. For starters, music doesn’t start playing when you make out with someone. You have to provide your own soundtrack.

Cats are the only creatures who truly understand sex. They really don’t care. They’ll perch on the window and hang out while you’re doing it. Because animals don’t have parents, movies, or books to fuck with their expectations. God I wish I were a cat sometimes.

A decade later, sex has lost most of its mystery. It feels good. My cat helped a little, reminding me not to take it too seriously. Now it’s just a part of sustaining a healthy relationship. Almost like making a pot of coffee.

Growing up, I’d watch sex movies and think that’s how I’d needed to act my very first time. Or I’d watch some show made for teenagers and see them turn coitus into some huge melodrama.

My first time didn’t even feel like sex. Neil came close to an orgasm. But I didn’t. that weekend, we smoked pot and kissed and fucked. It was fun, but no climax. Was I doing it wrong?

Biology and human sexuality classes didn’t help. Sure, I could describe in scientific terms what happened. But I didn’t actually know if I was still a virgin. Scientifically, I knew. But emotional, I felt unsure.

Obviously, I asked my friends. They weren’t much help. One of them just shrugged and said, “I’ve heard women don’t have orgasm. Like ever.” That sounded dubious to me. But the textbooks hadn’t covered that. So maybe she was right. My next step was to type “can women have orgasms?” into Google. Ah, ha! They could, and they should. Thanks, G.

Your first lover isn’t always/usually your last

Not everyone think they’re going to marry their first sex partner. I sorta did. If not marry, at least date for a few months. That didn’t happen. Instead, Neil lost some of his shine.

The longer we dated, the less great he seemed. He had these opinions. Once I disagreed with. But I was afraid to argue with him. Because we were supposed to be in love.

One time, he criticized my outfit. So I went back into my bedroom changed. First and last time for that.

My dad didn’t like Neil. And Neil didn’t like my dad. To him, my dad represented everything he hated about middle class America. And to my dad, Neil just looked like trouble. Irredeemable. Unreliable. Futureless.

The dad was right once. Neil turned out to me a smoker. He’d quit for a while, before we met. Then he picked it back up. One night, he had the nerve to judge me for eating meat.

“I’m not even sure I can kiss you,” he said on the way back to his place. My mouth was contaminated with animal proteins.

So I reminded Neil that he smoked cigarettes. And I was okay kissing his ashtray lips. Except now that I thought about it, I wasn’t.

Rumors started circling through our little bohemian hipster community. Coworkers told me that Neil was a nymphomaniac. That he was hitting on guys and girls alike at other bars while I was working. He’d even tried to hit on one of our bartenders.

Neil and I had some arguments. Those hit me especially hard, because I’d never argued with anyone I’d had sex with before. Actually, I’d never had an argument with someone I found attractive. What a mind-fuck. You keep thinking that you’ll start making out mid-fight.

But a lot of time, you don’t.

A week later, Neil disappeared. Stopped answering my calls. No response to texts. Back in the olden time, you’d wait by the phone. Now, the wait just follows you around wherever you go.

So much more convenient. Instead of staying home like a nobody you just check your home every three minutes for the rest of your life. That’s what a day feels like when you’re connected.

Finally someone told me he’d picked up and moved to another town. No explanation. No goodbye. Just gone.

I’d never seen Neil since then. How odd. You can give such a huge part of yourself to someone. Share an experience like losing your virginity. And then they leave. I’ll probably never see him again.

The hurt faded a lot quicker than I predicted. A few weeks later, I started dating someone else. The garbage heap of pop culture might tell us that our first time’s supposed to matter. You have to make your first time special. Pastors tell us to wait for marriage.

That’s just not true. There’s no reason for your first time to mean anything beyond what happens. Even the term losing your virginity doesn’t make sense. The phrase carries endless amounts of religious and patriarchal baggage. You don’t lose your virginity. You simply end it.

Nothing bad happened to me. Satan hasn’t claimed my soul. That I know of. I’m not addicted to drugs. Having se with the “wrong person” didn’t ruin my life. If anything, it showed that we place too much importance on the wrong things. I’m not even sure why Western Civ has made such a huge deal out of virginity. Never mind, I know. I’m just calling bullshit.

There’s a first time for every single thing in this world. Obviously, you want yours to have meaning. But there’s no point in regret. Maybe your first time played out the way it should’ve – even if it sucked. If it was that bad, you can just pretend it didn’t happen. That’s always healthy.

Ya, aku paham syariat Islam

Copas dari wall Gayatri Muthari di facebook

YA AKU PAHAM SYARIAT ISLAM (2)

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi
dan hukum gereja-gereja Timur,
bukan dari Muhammad seperti klaimmu,
yang merendahkan kaumku dan etnisku,
Bilamana Muhammad merevolusi,
sebagian pengikutnya yang berkuasa
malah mengubahnya apapun tujuannya,
sehingga merendahkan kaumku dan etnisku,

Ya aku paham syariat Islam,
kutahu syariat ialah instruksi,
tentang hukum, untuk menempuh Jalan
yang kausebut tarekat,
dan Islam dari kata Aram
damai sejahtera, lunas, sugeng rahayu!
Seperti kata Ibraninya sin, lam, mim,
ditemukan dalam Perjanjian Lama
maupun Perjanjian Baru,
dalam bahasa Ibrani, Aram, Ge'etz,
Yunani, maupun Arab.

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
yang kaumaknai fikih, segala jurisprudensi,
maupun yang kaumaknai agama yang kauanut.
Mulai dari teks kitab suci, doktrin, teologi sampai liturgi
aku tidak mau kautipu lagi dengan klaim asli murnimu.
Kupaham aku hanya mewarisi dan memelihara,
kuterima itu dengan ikhlas hati,
hai diamlah dengan klaim asli murnimu,
hormatilah para leluhur Yahudi dan Nasrani
dalam sanad silsilah agamamu!

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi,
umat yang kaubenci
tapi segala fikihnya kauwarisi dengan sukacita.
Mulai dari wudhu dan mandi junubmu,
sampai salat berdiri, membungkuik, sujud dan
menghapal al-Qur'anmu dengan bangganya.
Lima kali sehari salatmu
dari tradisi Gereja Ortodoks,
cara salatmu dari Daniel nabi Yahudi
di negeri Persia: yang melihat yoga hatha
orang-orang Hindu di sana.
Alfatihahmu rangkuman dari Mazmur,
salat berjamaahmu dari minyan Yahudi,
juga jubah atau mukena salatmu.
Puasa Ramadhan-mu dari puasa Tevet
bani Israil sejak masa Zakaria nabi Yahudi
jauh sebelum Zakaria ayah Yahya,
apalagi diet religiusmu jelas-jelas
dari kitab Imamat 11.
Puasa Muharram-mu dari Yom Kippur,
tahun barumu dari rosh hasanah
dan bulan hajimu dari bulan ziarah le-12
bani Israil sejak dulu kala.

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi
dan tradisi agama gereja-gereja Timur.
Mulai dari zikir 33 kalimu,
zikir yang kaubilang mendekatkan diri pada Allah,
33 kali mewarisi ibubapa gereja-gereja di timur,
tasbih dari rosario, dan rosario dari mala,
33 dewata dalam Sanata Dharma
baik Hinduisme maupun Buddhisme,
dan butir-butir rmala yang wangi
dalam genggaman tangan.
Kemudian kau bersedekah,
dari kata tzedaka, dari tzadik,
artinya orang yang benar,
dan bukalah Alquranmu sebelum membantahku
begitu juga zakat dan khumus-mu.
dari perpuluhan dan pajak yang ditetapkan
sejak dulu kala.

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi
dan tradisi agama gereja-gereja Timur.
Muhammad mengutip kembali
teks-teks dari Alkitab kanon Gereja Assyiria
dan Gereja Oriental, membenarkannya
dan menjelaskannya kembali.
Dan, kalian bertengkar
mengejek gereja-gereja Barat,
begitulah orang buta menghina orang buta lainnya.
ITULAH kitab, petunjuk bagi orang-orang bertakwa.
Kodenya ada pada muttaqa'at,
supaya kaffah rukun imanmu pada kitab-kitab suci,
bukan malah kaulempar ke dalam sungai
seperti tentara Tatar dan berdalil mereka tak lagi asli.
Alfurqan dalam Albaqarah 53-mu memintamu
membuka Taurat untuk membaca Kriteria
tentang intisari benar dan salah
tapi seperti orang-orang Yahudi dan Nasrani bebal
kau juga malah taklid buta pada petunjuk ulama-ulamamu.

Kau menghina para penganut Sanata Dharma
dari India, tetapi kautak bisa melihat
batu hajar aswad yang kaucium saat berhaji
ialah tradisi warisan leluhur Ibrahim
yang mengambil linggayoni sebagai batu
pusat peribadatan, perlambang kesatuan dualitas.

Kau mengejek para penganut Kristen
karena memuja Yesus dalam yoga bakti mereka,
tetapi kau sendiri entah mengkultuskan
Muhammad, ahlulbait, atau
sekedar memuja nama Allah bukan hakikat-Nya.

Kau menistakan para penganut agama lokal
yang Shamanisme memuja ruh-ruh,
tetapi kau sendiri menari memutar dalam lingkaran
tanpa segregasi saat bertawaf di Mekkah,
menyangkal itu tradisi leluhur Ibrahim dari Shamanisme.
Itulah Shiwa dan Parwati yang menari
dalam kesatuan dengan semesta,
mengajarkannya pada si ikan Pasupati.
Itulah ritual agama berjamaah tertua di dunia!
Lebih baik menari bersama,
daripada kehilangan kaki
karena berperang salib
atau berjihad dengan bom bunuh diri.

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi
dan tradisi agama gereja-gereja Timur.
Kau tak ingin mendengar aku berkata jujur,
mengapa syariat agamamu:
menganjurkan bayi perempuan dilukai kemaluannya?
bagaimana kalau kemaluanmu saat ini dilukai demi Allah?
Mengapa kautak berpikir, mengapa dalam agamamu:
mewajibkan perempuan menikah dengan wali ayah,
paman, kakek, dari sebelah ayah atau saudara lelaki?
apakah perempuan tak punya hak atas dirinya sendiri?
mengapa perempuan dibeli dengan mahar,
tunailah mas kawinnya?

Pikirkanlah dengan hati nuranimu,
dan rasakanlah dengan pikiranmu:
mengapa perempuan nilai kesaksiannya hanya separuh?
akalnya hanya separuh dari lelaki ya?
karena itu ia tidak pernah layak menjadi nabi?
karena itu kautegaskan, Gayatri, perempuan
tak boleh menjadi imam dalam salat berjamaah
atau dalam organisasi agama karena Allah
hanya mencipta perempuan untuk hamil,
melahirkan, dan menyusui seperti hewan betina lainnya.
Begitulah wanita hanya mulia sebagai ibu saja.
Induk unggas! Hewan betina!
Terimalah takdirmu, Gayatri!

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi
dan tradisi agama gereja-gereja Timur.
Kau tak ingin mendengar aku berkata jujur,
mengapa syariat agamamu:
menginginkan gaya busana tradisional
di seluruh dunia supaya punah
demi menyesuaikan
aturan agar kami menutup rambut
tanpa kelihatan bahkan menyelubungi
seluruh wajah kami.
Allah-mu ini allah lokal di kuil-kuil badui Arab,
atau Allah Universal yang menciptakan
jutaan suku bangsa di dunia
dengan jutaan fesyen mereka?
Hukum warismu kaubilang universal,
yang mengimani Alquran haruslah menerimanya.
Di mana hati nurani dan akal budimu ketika ia
melecehkan bangsa-bangsa matriarkat,
dan bangsa-bangsa bilineal seperti etnisku.
Demi Muhammad,
Allah-ku bukan allah lokal untuk bangsa patriarkat saja!
Kalau penentang Ali mengambil hak Fatimah putri Muhammad,
dan dulu putri-putri Zelofehad mengadu pada Musa,
aku mewarisi klan kedua belah pihak orangtuaku,
karena aku orang Jawa yang berterimakasih pada Dewi Siri.

Hukummu menyuruhku menunggu tiga bulan
setelah bercerai, kalau itu dulu aku bisa mengerti,
tetapi pada masa kini?
Jangankan dengan melakukan seks,
atau membeli sperma Einstein di bank
untuk melahirkan generasi cerdas,
kami sudah bisa mengkloning anak dari tubuh kami sendiri.

Hukummu mengizinkan poligini,
dan hanya poliandri kepada budak perempuan,
dan kau menghina bangsa-bangsa
yang melakukan poliandri.
Betapa rasis dan seksisnya dirimu!

Ya aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi
dan tradisi agama gereja-gereja Timur.
Nama masjid dan bait salat dari
orang Yahudi Oriental yang juga salat di masjid,
Nama Alquran dari bahasa Aram,
Qusay leluhur Muhammad orang Yahudi,
Begitu pun istri Abdul Muthalib yang melahirkan
Abdullah dan Abu Thalib,
dan Muhammad membela Maria sebagaimana orang Kristen pada masanya.
Khadija dan Fatima ialah feminis seperti Maria dan ibunya Hannah,
Demikian juga Zainab yang melihat kakaknya Husain dipenggal di Karbala,
Dan Sukaina cucu Ali yang dihujat di mimbar-mibar Jumat,
Sukaina yang selamat dari Karbala,
yang membuka kerudungnya,
yang menentang dipoligini dan bernyanyi bersyair
di antara kerumunan para penyair penyanyi lelaki.
Kalau kaubilang perempuan tak boleh bekerja,
tak boleh bernyanyi, tak boleh membuka hijabnya,
bahkan tak boleh memimpin para pria,
itulah syariat dari rabbi-rabbi dan pastor-pastor
patriarkis yang kauwarisi dengan bangganya!

Nama leluhur terbanyak yang disebut dalam Alquran
ialah Musa, kemudian Yesus dan Maria, Daud,
lalu Ibrahim juga Ishak dan Ismail serta Sulaiman.
Semua nabi dari Alkitab terutama Alkitab kanon Oriental
sejarah lisan Yahudi Oriental, ada dalam Alquran.
Muhammad berkata agamaku agama Ibrahim,
bukan Islam, atau Kristen, atau Yahudi,
dan semua nabi ialah setara.
Lalu mengapa kau memuja Muhammad
di atas yang lainnya?

Lima teks Alquran menyebut keutamaan Sabat,
sesuai ajaran Taurat juga Zabur dan Injil,
bukan Jum'at apalagi Minggu.
Tetapi, aku tahu apa dalih dan penyangkalanmu!
Kalau kau mengira Trinitas yang Muhammad
kritik ialah Trinitas orang Katholik atau sebagian Protestan,
terseret dakwah mantan-mantan Kristen Barat
yang memeluk Islam,
dan mengamini tafsir Yesus tidak disalib
menjadi rukun iman ketujuhmu:
Aku berdoa semoga Allah memberimu hidayah
seperti ia membuka hati Umar yang fasih
membaca Taurat dan Zabur.
Abu Sofian menyebut satu dari 631 Perintah Allah
ketika menerima kekalahannya,
Dari 631 Perintah mitzvot dirumuskan
dan dari fatwa-fatwa para rabbi halakha ditetapkan,
begitulah asal muasal fikih
sebelum empat imam mazhab fikih.
Poligini dibolehkan seperti halakha masa lalu,
perceraian dikutuk mengikuti tradisi Kristen,
lalu kalian semua berperang
seperti bangsa-bangsa Yunani, Romawi,
dan Persia mendirikan kekaisaran digdaya.

Aku bukan Fatima Mernissi,
bukan pula Ayaan Hirsi Ali,
Shirin Ebadi atau Leila Ahmed.
Aku hanya mengambil semangat Kartini.

Sungguh tak larat lagi aku menyebut diri Muslim
meski kuterima gereja Muhammad dan Ali
dengan segenap hati, berikut Alquran
sebagai kanon bukan apokripa.
Gereja Muhammad dan Khadija, Fatimah dan Ali
yang tidak seksis kepada kaumku
yang hamil, melahirkan dan menyusui
dan punya tempat di mimbar dan di depan
makmun lelaki maupun perempuan;
pun tak rasis terhadap etnisku Jawa,
sedikit Madura, banyak Cina, dan setetes
dari Persia, Arab dan Yahudi.
Orang Jawa sejati tidak patriarkis sampai
Islam dan Kolonial Barat mengambil alih.
Pakaian kepala perempuan Jawa dan Cina juga Parsi
juga inspirasi dari Allah,
bukan hanya hijab Arab dan tichel Yahudi.

Namaku Gayatri, itulah doa tertua semakna alfatihah,
dan Wedotami, dari kitab karangan kakekku Suidira
adipati Mangkunegara yang mengkritik
Muslim-muslim sontoloyo seperti engkau.
Dari ayahnya Muthari yang ikut merintis
Muhammadiyah di desanya,
pengikut para Sufi Qadiri dari sejak Sunan Ampel,
juga orang-orang Cina yang membangun
istana dan masjid Sumenep,
aku diperkenalkan tradisi Muhammadiyah dan NU
dari sekolah hingga dewasa.
Kakekku dari Sostrodarmojo,
dari Agul-agul Sultan Agung,
mengajariku filsafat dan terekat Sosrokartono .
Dan dari Mertodisastro dari Hadiwijaya
yang ibunya gagah berani memimpin negeri
warisan ayahnya,
kupelihara tradisi feminis yang kerap kaunista
liberal dan Barat.

Terserah kaumau menganggap
apa agamaku kini,
Tapi aku paham syariat Islam
dari halakha dan mitzvot Yahudi
dan hukum gereja-gereja Timur,
juga dari teologi orang-orang Hindu dan Buddha,
tarian melingkar dan menziarahi leluhur
dari orang-orang Shaman,
fesyen orang-orang Majusi yang indah rupawan,
dan patriarkisme orang-orang Yunani-Romawi.
Kau bilang agamamu dan syariatmu
dari Muhammad seluruhnya,
demikianlah klaimmu.
Syariat agamamu asli murni dari Allah,
tetapi syariat agama yang lainnya buatan manusia,
hahahaha, di Petra mereka juga mengukir:
Kush adalah Allah-ku. Aku tak tahu lagi,
ini Allah atau sekedar nama saja yang kausembah?

Namun, tidaklah mungkin Allah-ku yang Universal,
Tuhan Yang Maha Esa yang menciptakan aku dan kau
merendahkan kaumku dan etnisku.
Demi Waktu, dan Ruang, dan Firman-Nya
pada hujan dan salju, juga hud-hud dan sapi betina!
Aku berlindung dari kejahatan manusia dan jin
yang berbisik dan bersuara nyaring
memberhalakan agama dan segenap perangkatnya,
membiarkan Allah Yang Maha Esa
menjadi rasis dan seksis
di mata dan hati manusia.

April 2-3 2018